For those going through a break-up and feel lost and confused– this blog post was created for you. Using my own personal experiences during my own break-up, I hope you can use these tips to guide you into finding yourself again and realize a break-up is a learning experience and not the end of the world (even though it may seem like it).
1) Family and friends double as therapists- Your family and friends are going to be the most important aspect of your break-up. They will be the best support system you can ever ask for. They will tell you the truth—even if it hurts—and be there to wipe the tears. What is amazing about confiding in your family and friends is their advice is always going to be based off what they think is best for you.
In a relationship we tend to have our love blinders on. This means that we try to block out the bad things and make excuses for our significant other. Our family and friends will be the ones to rip those love blinders off and make us realize our self-worth and what we truly deserve in a relationship. I have found a whole new respect for my family and friends in my life. They have continually been there for me while I ranted and cried (never once giving me the impression that they were bored of hearing the same old thing). During a time where it seems like your world is crumbling, your support system will be there to mend back those loose pieces and make you feel whole again.
(Note: to those girls/guys who gave up their friends to only focus on their relationship—you’ll regret it when your perfect relationship doesn’t work out and you’re left in heartache all alone.)
2) There is no medication for a broken heart, but there is ice cream!- Sometimes when you’re feeling sad and don’t know what to do, the perfect remedy for that is… eating some ice cream. As silly as that sounds, it really does help to mend your heart. Eating something sweet and delicious helps to create a temporary happiness that numbs our sadness for a few minutes. Honestly, during my breakup I probably went to grab my favorite McDonald’s vanilla cone (yes, McDonalds) at least 5 times. It wasn’t an excuse to eat bad, but an way to get my mind off of being upset and enjoy how amazingly delicious it was.
3) Do a little spring cleaning- This means physically and mentally. If you’ve been in a long term relationship, than you probably have tons of kissing pictures hung around your room and little trinkets of your travels and memories. Advice- take it all, every last bit of it, and toss it in a huge bin ($8 at Target, your welcome). Place that bin in the garage and never look at it again (or at least until you’re ready). Personally, my room was like a shrine to my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. The second I got rid of everything that reminded me of him (and even spent the time to do a little re-decorating), it made me feel liberated. Also, it helped to not have physical reminders of our relationship taunting me in my own personal space.
Next, is the “mental spring cleaning”. Social media plays a huge part in our daily lives and allows us to know what are friends are doing on the regular. If you have your boyfriend/ girlfriend on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook etc… DELETE THEM. Now, I know this is easier said than done. Trust me, I do. It took me a month and a half to finally pull the plug, but it has been one of the best ways for me to move on. The phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is basically what I am trying to get at.
When going through a break up we are constantly thinking about our ex. What are they doing every day? Who are they hanging out with? Are they thinking about me? It becomes a constant mind game of confusing and open-ended questions. This is normal and natural to have these thoughts, but when these thoughts turn into obsession…than there is a problem. If you continue to have them on your friends list, then you are bound to constantly check what they are doing and get upset that they are doing things that you both used to do together. The only way to avoid these feelings from uprising is to completely erase them and try your best to move on from those memories.
4) Focus on your happiness- I hate the phrase “focus on yourself” because it seems superficial and selfish. I would rather say “focus on your happiness”. When in a relationship, we tend to lose ourselves in the midst of others. We begin to make our decisions based off the happiness of others instead of our own. This becomes an issue because if we are so busy making someone ELSE happy… then who is making US happy. During a breakup, this aspect is very important because it is a way for us to find ourselves again pre-relationship.
Personally, my happiness is based around my friends and creating new experiences. I have always loved doing fun things that make lasting memories—it is what makes me happy. Since my breakup, I have been to Vegas (yes, the cliché newly single girl trip haha), been going out with my friends, and focusing on my blog. My ex-boyfriend didn’t like doing any of these things so I would begin sacrificing my happiness in order to appease his (not okay). Why do we limit ourselves in order to please others? So with that said, focus on your happiness and find the person you were before the relationship. It is a time where we can make ourselves the priority instead of others.
5) Lastly…Be hopeful- There is someone out there for everyone! A breakup does not mean you are going to be single forever. It means the universe has something bigger and better in store for you. What I have realized the most is to trust the timing of your life. There is a reason for everything!!!! Even though I felt as if my life was over (so dramatic, I know), I never once doubted that there wasn’t someone better out there for me. Being hopeful is the best thing you can do right now for yourself. When you’re feeling skeptical if you’ll find anyone, think of this… even the weirdest people in the world find lovers!! Which is why I said that there is someone out there for everyone! Constantly remind yourself that this break up happened for a reason. The best thing to do now is use it as a learning experience.